“At 19, I read a sentence that re-terraformed my head: “The level of matter in the universe has been constant since the Big Bang.”
In all the aeons we have lost nothing, we have gained nothing – not a speck, not a grain, not a breath. The universe is simply a sealed, twisting kaleidoscope that has reordered itself a trillion trillion trillion times over.
Each baby, then, is a unique collision – a cocktail, a remix – of all that has come before: made from molecules of Napoleon and stardust and comets and whale tooth; colloidal mercury and Cleopatra’s breath: and with the same darkness that is between the stars between, and inside, our own atoms.
When you know this, you suddenly see the crowded top deck of the bus, in the rain, as a miracle: this collection of people is by way of a starburst constellation. Families are bright, irregular-shaped nebulae. Finding a person you love is like galaxies colliding. We are all peculiar, unrepeatable, perambulating micro-universes – we have never been before and we will never be again. Oh God, the sheer exuberant, unlikely face of our existences.
The honor of being alive. They will never be able to make you again. Don’t you dare waste a second of it thinking something better will happen when it ends. Don’t you dare.”
— Caitlin Moran
I can’t wait to get my strength tarot card tattoo!
I love the meaning behind it:
The meaning of the Strength Tarot card is about knowing that you can endure life’s obstacles by drawing upon your inner strength and confidence. You have great stamina and persistence, tempered by an underlying patience and inner calm. You are focused on what you need to do, and you go about it in a way that demonstrates great composure and maturity.
The Strength Tarot card also reflects a compassionate approach. You are like the woman in this card who offers love and patience to the ferocious lion in order to be able to tame him. You give others space and you are tolerant of their needs. You are accepting and can easily forgive any imperfections. In doing this, you create a safe and trusting environment where you can then gently influence others. This demonstrates a level of ‘soft’ control, persuading and coaxing others to your way of thinking. – Biddy Tarot
The style of the illustration on the card above is what I want it to look like. If the artist I go to can improve on it, then it’s up for debate!
I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world who has the strength tarot card tattoo. After all, the tarot cards are widely known, and the Strength card is exceptionally cool. What’s more empowering than a woman taming a wild beast, just with her charms and gentleness?
I’m thinking of getting it on my right arm just above my elbow. That leaves the rest of my upper arm open for a galactic or mystical design that can be sprouting out of the sun and moon in the tarot card design.
After I buy a car, this will be my next big money goal!
It’s a scary thing, ending a marriage, but I’m really starting to see the perks of being single.
Or really, any long term relationship. Right now, I’m torn between wanting to be in a relationship or remaining single. I guess when you’re not sure, always pick the latter.
I went through a very long stretch of not being single, so it feels weird. I need to learn how to be by myself.
I got married when I was 22. I’m now 30 and single.
That means for most of my 20s, the time where many people are dating and figuring out exactly what they want, I was already married.
I’m not saying I regret anything. Absolutely not.
Everything you do leads you to different realizations. I guess I can go into my 30s now with a different outlook on life.
A few of the Perks of Being Single That Became Clear:
As a single person, I don’t have to answer to anyone!
I only have my own bills to pay (which are pretty small on their own and I can save money!)!
My world of possibilities is wide open.
Don’t get me wrong — my ex husband is a great guy. I couldn’t have asked for a better Dad for my son. And he gave me my most favorite person in the world, who is a fantastically smart and sweet little boy.
I’m also lucky that there were no custody issues, because we get along and we’re both good parents. There were no fights. I just needed something different for my life.
I need to figure out how to be my own person, for one thing.
It’s funny how you don’t realize that so much of your life and who you are revolves around your significant other.
As long as you’re happy together and both have a solid understanding of each other and yourselves, it’s fine to be so tied into someone.
Unless your identity also hinges on them, and you’re not really in-tune with yourself and what you want…
This has been a huuuge part of me working on my own personal rebirth this year.
“I once had a dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events some of those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.
But I didn’t really mind, because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is.”
― Lana Del Rey
☕ Emotion Revolution Summit was held at Yale in 2015. ☕
“I invented myself and curated my life to be an expression of my pain. This is how I overcame my depression — by creating someone who I felt was stronger than me… but once I went through all sorts of changes, my career taking off, becoming more isolated, nothing was able to fix how I was genetically made. I was born this way. So, how do we now, knowing that no matter how much success you have, no matter how many opportunities, fame, fortune… no matter how many people accept you to your face… the person who really needs to accept you is you.” – Lady GaGa
GaGa’s speech at the Emotion Revolution Summit at Yale last year is over 1 hr long, and it’s something so many of us have needed to hear.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the surface crap in every aspect of life, and very much so on social media. I follow Lady GaGa on Facebook and noticed that she hadn’t been posting in a while. It’s healthy to take a step back from it once in a while. I’ve done that a few times, myself.
Rebirth is a beautiful thing. We need some time to ourselves for that, and it seems like GaGa has done that recently. I haven’t watched AHS Hotel yet and I can’t wait to see her in it. Aside from that and her incredible rendition of the US national anthem at Super Bowl 50, I hadn’t seen a lot of her before that.
It’s amazing what you can discover on the internet that the mainstream media doesn’t cover.
Had I not been “wasting time” on Tumblr I probably would have never seen this video. I always liked her it always seemed like she was being 100% herself. This a huge part of my own renaissance that I kicked off this year.
She also mentions in this speech how she has to take medication for anxiety/depression (I started mine in December).
But she doesn’t fail to mention that she is trying other more natural and spiritual methods to help with her mental health (which you can also count as your spiritual health if you want). Everyone is different of course, so one way might work for one and not for others.
The most basic part of this is not being afraid to be 100% true to yourself, because at the end of the day you need to love and accept yourself above all other things.
I’m already 30, and there are plenty of things I still want to do! So I came up with a “40 before 40” list, so I can keep better track.
[ ] Sleep all night under the stars.
[ ] Go fishing.
[ ] Visit Iceland.
[ ] Watch the northern lights.
[ ] Take an archery class, or learn on my own.
[ ] Go to Vegas.
[ ] Drive through the desert at night.
[ ] Be fully comfortable being me.
[ ] Eat at a fancy restaurant.
[ ] Invent my own signature fragrance.
[ ] Go to Disney World with my son.
[ ] Grow my own garden.
[ ] Eat mostly fresh foods in my diet.
[ ] Become a pescatarian.
[ ] See the Grand Canyon.
[ ] Still have this blog by then.
[ ] Hang out a lot more with my friends.
[ ] Throw a surprise party for someone.
[ ] Go to NYC in the summer.
[ ] Visit New Orleans.
[ ] Have an astrologer draw up and interpret my birth chart.
[ ] Have a midsummer party.
[ ] Watch a meteor shower with someone I love.
[ ] Actually have sex on the beach.
[ ] Go to a music festival.
[ ] Go to a masquerade ball.
[ ] Be in a flash mob.
[ ] Dress as the absinthe fairy for Halloween.
[ ] Go to an awesome Halloween costume party.
[ ] Have professional glamour shots taken.
[ ] Visit California (any part).
[ ] See the ocean again.
[ ] See Stonehenge.
[ ] Ride a motorcycle.
[ ] Go skinny dipping in a natural body of water.
[ ] Dye my hair all in bright colors.
[ ] Go on a long road trip to no where in particular.
[ ] Get allergy shots so I can get a dog.
[ ] Get at least 3 more of the tattoos I want.
“Advice to the witch children:
1. Step softly.
2. Coat your words in honey, but keep your nails as claws.
3. Listen to the ghosts.
4. Carry always a bird in your chest and a lion in your head.
5. Know that age is not wisdom, and there is as much to be learned from trees as from the books they become.
6. You are not born with a family. Make one.
7. Remember that a thing does not need purpose to have beauty.
8. Do not allow yourself to become chained to logic and order.
9. Revel in chaos, then bend it to your will.
10. Use your wide eyes for watching, your rabbit feet for running, your small size for slipping away unseen.
11. Let them underestimate you.
12. When you open your mouth and frogs leap out, do not be ashamed.
13. You are the changeling children, magic born into small bodies with untried hearts.
Do not waste them.”
– Source Unknown
Don’t use this as your “what’s hot for spring+summer fashion 2016!!”, because I don’t know about the hottest newest looks. These are just my personal spring summer wardrobe plans.
Bustier/corset tops have always appealed to me. They’re sexy and flattering on everyone and they come in soo many different styles.
Also, anything comfy and flowy.
Flowy wide leg pants.
Colorful prints are a bonus.
Frickin’ backless sun dresses.
These were never a part of my spring summer wardrobe. In fact, I haven’t even worn a skirt since 2007 at my wedding.
Crochet midriff tops.
On an overall note, my change in how I feel about fashion is part of my personal rebirth….
The changes I’ve been doing through lately in every possible way. I wrote about that a few months ago, and it’s been crazy. I’ll go into more detail as things unfold.
If you haven’t seen it or don’t know anything about it, this contains some spoilers. I don’t go into too much detail, but this does give away a few things. Proceed at your own risk.
Mad Max: Fury Road was just the right mix of everything awesome — just enough action and violence backed up by a great story. It also helps that they cast two of my favorite actors as the leads, Charlize Theron and Tom Hardy.
Awesome memorable, relatable characters? Check.
A realistic, boss female lead? Check.
A nasty villain and a dangerous team of other nasty people? Check.
A very satisfying ending? Double check.
When I first saw the trailer I didn’t care about going to see it. I thought it was going to be Just Another Action Movie.
But then I started hearing the outcry against it that I didn’t expect — some people were calling it “feminist propaganda”. It was making some people angry because it was perceived as focusing on women’s rights. They felt as though they were duped into watching propaganda when they thought they were going to see Just Another Action Movie.
Just Another Action Movie – A movie with super manly guys, action (duh), one-dimensional female characters/eye candy. Example: Almost every movie Tom Cruise has starred in. The run-of-the-mill action movies that cause me to look at my phone.
The thought that people would be angered by this makes me laugh, but also makes me lose a little bit of hope for our society. It also made me actually want to go see it in the theater.
The whole team of characters in this movie are pretty well-explored and they each develop nicely, not just the main characters. I was also surprised how much of the story didn’t focus on Max.
Not that Max isn’t an interesting character that doesn’t deserve our empathy, because he definitely does… we find that out right away. There’s a brief monologue and flashes at the very beginning of the movie that let us know why he’s “mad”.
I also have to confess that if there’s a bad ass (clever and strong) female lead, I’m all in. She works her way up in Immortan Joe’s ranks, builds a war rig that only she can pilot, all with the ulterior motive of escaping back to her homeland.
The Wives of Immortan Joe, who escape from him with the help of Furiosa, could be considered as the eye candy of the movie, and there’s inherently nothing wrong with that. Yes, they’re all gorgeous, but these characters were hardly JUST eye candy.
Played by Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (The Splendid Angharad), Zoë Kravitz (Toast the Knowing), Riley Keough as Capable, Abbey Lee as The Dag, and Courtney Eaton as Cheedo The Fragile.
Aside from Furiosa, I liked Nux (played by Nicholas Hoult) quite a bit.
You can’t help but feel for this character. He was considered weak because of his illness, but he charged into the fray and was desperate to get the approval of Immortan Joe. He was just trying to fit in to their idea of what was honorable.
The War Boys were definitely a wild bunch. And their version of a traveling minstrel?
If the War Boys could tone it down on the murdering, I’d invite them to a party.
The Bad Guy and The Bad Situation
This is the Bad Guy to end all Bad Guys — Immortan Joe. He’s played by Hugh Keays-Byrne, who was also in the 1979 original Mad Max.
He represents everything that could be wrong with society. He’s greedy. He’s controlling and hateful. He’s tyrannical and keeps all the goods for himself. He’s also revered as a Godlike figure by his subjects, the War Boys.
Everyone around him lives in poverty — hungry, thirsty and dirty, while he lives in his palace with all the food and water.
Immortan Joe is a composite caricature of every nasty dictator and ruthless politician.
His wives being kept as “breeders” and treated as possessions, and their escape from him is partly where the “feminist propaganda” misconception comes in. That, and the fact that the matriarchal society that Furiosa is trying to get back to is depicted in the film as being good, and the patriarchal society lead by Immortan Joe is bad. But really, it’s the fact that Immortan Joe is just a nasty guy.
It’s this fact that throws any perceived misandry out the window. Max and Nux represent the good men. Immortan Joe is a cruel asshole that somehow got to be in power.
The Action Scenes and Cinematography
The whole thing was a wild ride. If you wanted to see everything an action movie can offer, Mad Max: Fury Road doesn’t disappoint (and then some!).
Really, every action sequence was incredible. The accompanying music made it even better. The whole part with The Bullet Farmer (the image above) was one of my favorites.
And what’s an action movie without explosions?
Every aspect of this movie was well done. The stunts, the vehicles they built for this movie, the costumes and the actors.
I’m hoping I didn’t give away too much, if you haven’t seen Mad Max: Fury Road and if you decided to read all of my silly review. I tried not to go into detail on what you could have already gathered from previews and other critical reviews.
I might just watch it again right now.
Last Thursday, I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication for the first time.
I’m rewriting this entry because it sounded like a commercial for anxiety medication. It feels weird to talk about, and I think that’s why most people don’t, and that’s why most people don’t seek help. I’ll just leave some links at the end of this post on the subject of GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and you can read up on it if you’re curious, because that’s not entirely what this post is about.
I will say this, though: If you’re dealing with something, please talk to a professional about it.
I had a hard time talking to anyone, even my close family and friends, but I felt comfortable talking about it with my Dr. This is part of their job, so they’re knowledgeable and should be understanding. If they’re not understanding, talk to someone else.
My Own Personal Renaissance
Last year, I started planning a few things that I wanted to work on for myself.
I wanted to get in better shape and treat myself like my own work of art. It was all just outside work. A very superficial set of goals.
I neglected any inner work, and I think now I’m paying the price for that.
So right now, I’m planning my own inner renaissance, and I don’t care how dorky that might sound.
Part of that renaissance is not giving a shit about anything sounding dorky anymore, as a matter of fact.
I haven’t gotten to the point of writing it down yet, but I’ve been making a list in my head of all the ways I’d like to work on my inner stuff. The hardest part is finding a balance between accepting yourself as you already are, and working toward who you want to be.
Here are a few things, so far:
- I’m comfortable in social situations, because I trust myself and love myself.
- I don’t need to impress anyone. “What others think of me is none of my business.”
- I’m calm and peaceful, which is why I can have fun.
- I don’t let negative things affect me at my core.
- I accept myself the same way I accept others as they are.
I got the idea for my inner renaissance after I started looking into affirmations during my most recent “upward swing”.
(Upward swing: When you finally start to feel better and things become more clear. This is short lived and followed by another downward swing. My own GAD is cyclical and each new downward swing is worse than the last. I don’t know if the upward and downward swings are talked about, I just call them that.)
I even think this is a part of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is essentially just working on reprogramming your brain to divert from negative thought processes. You don’t have to have a mental disorder to do it, either!
I’d also like to do some sort of ritual to kick this off and make it official. If my research on witchcraft has taught me anything, it’s that rituals and going through the motions is a powerful tool. Rituals can cement things into our subconscious minds.
I’ll sign off on this entry now, because it’s starting to get pretty long and I want to get started on planning this for myself!
Here are some links if you want to read more on generalized anxiety disorder, affirmations, etc.
National Institute of Mental Health – What is Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Shit Borderlines Do – Generalized Anxiety Disorder Checklist (helpful checklist to diagnose yourself to help you decide if you want to seek professional help)